streamofconsciousness - floatykatja

streamofconsciousness

One minute I'm sitting stationary, doing very little except navel-gazing and getting bored in my dull-as-fuck temp job, then I speak to my agent, who tells me he's dropping me, then 3 hours later I've been reinstated, but only temporarily, mind you, and I'm walking on a knife-edge and wondering whether this really is the life that I want to be leading and whether I should just give it all up because I'm 30 this year and it seems like I haven't grown since I left drama school at 23, except that I obviously have done and my life is so much richer in many ways and so maybe I'll just carry on as I am and see what happens but I need to make a change somewhere, although I don't really know quite where to start and sometimes the only thing you can do is curl up in a heap and cry then get up the next morning with a big smile and start again like nothing ever happened and maybe if you fool everyone else then you'll fool yourself as well.

Maybe.

19.1.06 23:27

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To date 13 Comment(s) TrackBack-URL

(19.1.06 23:39)
Or maybe one day you'll get that break that you've been waiting forever for, and that one break will make it all worth it x

(19.1.06 23:47)
I'm with Sez on this. I'm sure this is just a blip and things will turn round for you soon. Just remember all the greats had it hard in the beginning, look at JK Rowling, she got turned down by about 11 publishers before she found someone who saw the amazing talent that was within her and her books. Someone out there soon is going to see the star in you, so hang on in there, keep your chin up, be postive and try not to forget us when you are bigger than Angelina Jolie! ;o)

Mikeachim / Website (19.1.06 23:51)

And the fact that you can go through that, right the way through it, and get out the other side, intact - is exactly why you're tough enough to get exactly everything you want and need....
Doesn't mean it isn't sometimes really, really uphill. And tiring. And crappy. And somedays, all you want.....is to let gravity do what it does with so many other people when they let it.
But fuck gravity.
Come on, Katja - we've got a hill to climb.
*does the Sam-with-Frodo-on-the-slopes-of-Mount-Doom thing*
*except Sam would never say 'fuck'*

(20.1.06 00:05)
wiggle your toes

(20.1.06 01:02)
Don't let them grind you down Katja, stick in. If you love to do it, if thats what you like to do, stick in, even though its not easy to do so, stick to doing what you enjoy and love, and don't let them grind you down.
xx

(20.1.06 11:11)
I'm feeling a little shy about this post this morning - I have my happy face on again - but thank you all for commenting and cheering me up *sniff* I love you guys! *blub* xxx

(20.1.06 11:19)
Hehe, what else are we here for?

Mikeachim / Website (20.1.06 12:26)
Oh well, then.
I take it all back.

(But seriously - I echo Pete's comment).

Mikeachim / Website (20.1.06 12:29)
Oi can' carry it for you, Miss Floaty.
BUT OI CAN CARRY YOU! COME AAHN!
*heaves Floaty over one shoulder*
*falls over spectacularly*
....
*Cuts to: Mike and Floaty at opposite ends of a ward in hospital, both in traction*

(20.1.06 13:24)
Well as long as I can look as ethereal as Elijah Wood did in his sickbed at the end of the film then that's fine )

(20.1.06 13:25)
If it comes back later then feel free to give me a punch in the arm. That always seemed to cheer my sister up when we were kids.

(20.1.06 13:59)
Ooh, I'd forgotten that (tried and tested) method, Jef. Although it was only ever a temporary relief, as I have 3 brothers who would then turn on me en-masse. Still, no pain no gain. Or that's what they used to tell me, anyway.

(20.1.06 14:14)
oh my god.
I'm going to be 29 in April and feeling guilty about temping (I started yesterday) with all my education behind me.
You're not the only one, let's hang in there.
Here's to you being "as big as Angelina Jolie" and me being some bigshot art dealer...
*hopes and dreams*